It’s really weird how most people seem to get really down when the weather starts getting cold and summer comes to an end because I’m the exact opposite. I absolutely hate summer. This could just be because I do not and have never had a pool, I live near no bodies of water, and it’s too hot to do anything but sit under the swamp cooler in cutoff shorts and a tank top and pray for death, but really every time it starts warming up I get kinda down. HOWEVER!
- My two-year anniversary is next month (holy crap)
- I have a couple of job prospects
- I WON’T BE IN FREAKING SCHOOL and I never ever have to come back to AVC again WHICH IS FANTASTIC NEWS. Freaking 10,000 students shoved into one tiny place, ugh, no thank you
- I will be prepping for my transfer, which entails going through my room AGAIN and getting rid of MORE stuff because being a packrat is not prudent ever and GOING UP TO ORIENTATION!
- My birthday is in August (and I’m turning 21! And I’ll be spending it next to the beach in beautiful Monterey Bay!)
This summer actually looks pretty good, despite my not being a fan of the weather and totally not getting the whole hype around summer (maybe if I had a pool… yeah that would probably help).
I had a lot of things not work out in the last few years, especially regarding school, and I know I’m totally obsessing over this but still! I just re-added up all the costs for school and if I get this grant the financial aid will completely cover it, which is fantastic news. I’m so excited to transfer, I feel like I’m back in high school plotting my transition to university (although back then the plan was Humboldt, which sadly ended up not working out but still!). I’m just as excited as I was back then. Community college has not completely taken all of the enthusiasm out of me, even though for a while there I was feeling pretty crappy. I mean, my first semester at AVC, I kicked some ass. The semester after that I had a fuckton of personal issues, but managed good grades, but after a while my grades sort of dwindled a bit, I guess. A few of them did, anyway. It’s easy to get discouraged when you’re stuck going to a place you hate.
I’m going to kick the shit out of stats (and my other classes too obviously but stats is the one I really need to work for. I JUST NEED A C FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, and I’ve pulled off scarier things in my life!), I’m going to work my ass off for the next few years and get my degree and my credential in an absolutely beautiful place in a school I am fairly certain is perfect for me. I’ll share a room with someone for the first time, which will definitely be an experience. But I’ll be studying things that are truly relevant to my career, which will really give me some gumption, and I’ll have a big gorgeous library to study in and a slew of beaches to go to when I get stressed and a cute boyfriend just about 45 minutes or so away. It’s going to be fantastic, no matter what I manage to think when I’m feeling down.
Plus, my best friend graduating from university in three years is totally amazing and inspiring! Girl freaking works hard. What I wouldn’t give to be as good at school as she is! But seriously it’s super cool and I totally admire her for it (and I never say stuff like that so… just take it).
Man, now I feel like blazing through my english papers and studying stats forever and doing a bunch of practice tests and crap, what even. I guess sometimes I just need inspiration!
One of my life goals is to own every episode of Sailor Moon on DVD. I couldn’t have asked for a better show to obsess over as a kid, really, especially as a girl (although it’s totally great for everyone to watch, I have tons of dude friends who watched it too, etc). I mean, what other children’s show had a dude that constantly needed saving and a bunch of teenage girls kicking ass? Or allowed their heroine to be clumsy, terrible at schoolwork, obsessed with junk food/video games/comic books, and a bit of a chicken who basically found the courage to do all sorts of heroic deeds because they were just the right thing to do, and because she had too good a heart to run from those things when she could do something about them? Plus really badass female villains?
That show was actually the best.
I waited 30 minutes for 1408 to come onto a channel I don’t even have
and then realized that I own it on DVD.
Cheers, cold medicine.
I was watching a show on Animal Planet about “Man-Eating Super Snakes” and they were talking about one that was travelling through the pipes.
Then an owl promptly hooted outside.
I need something different that can happen right now. The next “different” thing I have coming is moving to school in August, which I am so excited about, but I need something fast like a new piercing or a weird hair color. Just something to feel like something has changed in the past few months, at least, that’ll make me feel good, too.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m deeply in a rut. And I need to learn to just stop worrying about things I clearly have absolutely no control over, because I am quite a control freak, I’ve come to realize (I blame being a Virgo). I HATE relinquishing control to anyone. I hate giving anyone any power over my life. I hate having to just let go of my control of certain things and let other people take care of them and trust them to take care of them right. Hell, I don’t even like asking for help in small situations, like when I need something minor explained. These traits get me into a lot of trouble. They get me almost having panic attacks in the middle of math exams. They get me into fights with my boyfriend. They get me into an overall bad mindset that taints everything I do. Even having good things coming at me, I constantly am unable to feel excited because it seems that there’s always something that could go wrong. That I could get a D in math or forget an important document that the school needs for my financial aid or that my boyfriend could find someone better for him who actually goes to his school so he doesn’t have to be apart from her all goddamn year. All of these things weigh on me because there are aspects of them I can’t control, or that are so sensitive that if I mess up it will screw up everything I’ve worked so hard for.
I guess right now there are a lot of things that are just out of my control and I need to learn to just have faith in the universe and people and a bit more faith in myself if I’m going to get through this big portion of my life that has a huge question mark on it.
But for now, I think a funny color in my hair or something would make me feel loads better. Just something small like that that I can control 100%, that’s fun and different for me and would just be there going “hey! You’re going places! Everything’s cool!”
CONGRATULATIONS YOU BEAUTIFUL, SMART, HARDWORKING AND SUPER CRAFTY LADY GETTING A BACHELOR’S IN THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!
I wish I could be there and I hope your day is amazing and fun and I’m super proud of you BUT I DON’T WANNA BE SAPPY BECAUSE WE ARE TOO COOL FOR THAT RIGHT? no probably not too cool for it, we just think we are.
but seriously I’m super excited for you and wish I was there and will be sending you a congratulations present very very soon :3
GO CONGRATULATE HER, GUYS!!
I know that someday I will have someone around to bake cookies with at nearly one in the morning.
oh my lord I just want to go talk to Tom Hiddleston about Loki feels because I have a mountain of them almost as impressive as his, and then I can give him a hug and tell him to pass it on
Dear Matt,
I am keeping your mug warm.
Love,
Jesse
Boiled water, let it cool for about 3 minutes, steeped a heaping tablespoon of leaves for 3 minutes, promptly poured in some cream and a teaspoon of sugar.
SO YUMMY. FINALLY I HAVE PERFECTED IT.
I’m just writing this down so I can reference it :D
